Boiling in the bloodlust. It kept me up last night, and it distracts me today from work. I wish I could beat the shit out of you. ... I've said that thousands of times. I'd do worse than beat the shit out of you if I had nothing to lose. I've been in so much pain for years. The list of medications I'm on keeps getting longer. "If I had nothing to lose." That mantra gets weaker every year. The temptation to throw my life away, with everything I've worked for, gnaws at me. I used to be more principled. It used to be easier to resist these temptations. One day, I'm going to choose selfishness. ... Hehehe. This one is nearly identical to the one from a couple of weeks ago. I wish I was a better writer.