uh
feeling attracted to
my sociopathic boss tonight
should i be writing this?
should i write this?
no
we're not thinking about it
...
we're NOT thinking about it
...
you're going to keep thinking about it anyways.
okay.
"why is he so angry all the time?"
i don't know !!!!
!!!
so was that lawyer you worked for
in fact, a lot angrier than this guy
but that guy was 83
you only care about
what makes 
this guy tick
because he's fucking 38 or something
42? 
and mildly attractive
you find someone mildly attractive every 6 god damn days
...
and you're afraid of him
you can't get him out of your head
"can't get him out of your head"
doesn't that sound familiar?

you're a fucking idiot

...
"i just like it when people are mean to me"
yeah and that's not healthy
...
"imagine if he really is trying to sabotage you. how much do you think he thinks about you?"
"how much did you fuck with him?"
this is sadism. you're not any better than he is if you get like that.

fucking let this stupid thing go

"the enemies to lovers arc though..."
i know you really hate life. but these people aren't characters in a movie, and you're not in a movie despite how detached from it all you feel. despite how little you care for this place and the people in it. 

we are both the same on this. this place is like a long, bad, boring movie, and they locked the doors so you can't leave. 

but other people don't feel this way, and it's not good for you to feel this way.
"maybe it is good for me, giving less of a shit about other people. i don't especially feel bad right now. but i get hurt when i do care. what if i start caring too much about my coworkers? afraid of their opinions? afraid of Jn. do you want to live in fear? 

it's been so much better lately, letting the fear go. not caring about people around you. and you have to live, anyways. you don't get the option to die innocent. so let the rage consume you. let it drip into your voice. life's a long, bloody fucking battle, and you have to become a monster to protect your inner peace. "