I'm so tired of interviewing... thank god I made myself free tomorrow so I can do things I actually care about.
I don't know what on the website I want to work on yet, but I think that's what I'm in the mood for. I'm also in the mood for designing some sort of fursona for myself, again. It's just hard because I want it to be a dragon/rabbit mix, but not leaning too hard into the cuteness factor of a rabbit. The hardest part is the skull shape. I'm not sure how a hybrid dragon/bunny skull is supposed to work. The new theory is to try a canine shaped head; you got the fur, but a large growling wolf snout would give it edge. Not quite a scaly, but not quite the bunny face. I guess that's the in between...
new several hundred dollar purchase that will change my life for sure
(really hope it does)
i …
i…..
i took a gumny but all im getting out of it is painface. my cheekbones hurt?
*reverb in* … my cheekbones hurt? … *reverb out*
“chat member says:” thank you for contributing to the audio impaired, vinny.
these open world nintendo games are starting to stop trying again. this metroid is fucking empty.
also it looks waaaaay too tolkien fantasy. as a newly fledged scifi lover, i never played metroid.but tolkien fantasy is soooo overdone and super not hype. i have no choice but to be disappointed in this game.
i need good sci fi….
i needs a lot of things….
like the pain in my FUCKING face to fucking stop
im the type of person to roll over to a new god if i think he can't hurt me
and sometimes im wrong
yeah, i don't know what i was doing earlier
things were supposed to be different
that's what we were promised
but uh... we don't have anything. and yeah, our parents, grandparents, were wealthier. but now that we are more cognizant of their misery, can you really say they had anything either?
im tempted to try speaking to A again, though i know it's the stress talking. he's been tortured enough by my actions. if i ever talked to him again, it wouldn't be healthy. it'd be impulsivity and stress relief. a break from life, but nothing meaningful. i wouldn't be reaching out to him for him.
the best thing i can do for him is stay away.
big interviews coming, but it's a waste of time hyping over them. most likely, im not going to get anything special.
:) interview. we're not talking about it.
I'm taking my brother out to the movies with T, to watch Zootopia 2. I enjoy furry shit, and I enjoyed the first movie. What can I say.
I will soon become a scholar of children's movies in the late 2020s onward, because of my brother. And a decade or so later, I'll become a scholar on children's TV shows as well. I don't really have a choice in this matter. I'll know the most obscure quotes, just like I did as a child, because of my brother watching the same thing hundreds of times.
I think my overexposure to children's media and Disney long after I was in the targeted age bracket might've alienated me from people. But then again, there's adults who watch children's media willingly, so...
"Mom, there's a dumb talking potato with a hat on, and no mouth!"
"That's okay sweetie, that's just educational television! And you shouldn't say dumb, that's not nice."
Anyone know that one?
Anyone?
Here's another hint from the same show:
"Cliff Hanger, hanging from a cliiiiifff! And that's why he's called Cliff Hanger!"
Seared into my fucking brain.
The last decades of my life will be fine, probably, maybe.
6 hours of running around, running J to the theater to watch that movie, getting pizza for him afterwards. He gave us a small Christmas tree as a present, which means I don't have to go fucking Christmas tree shopping with T. I got out of that, thank god.
Then we ran to Best Buy for a web camera that I'm only going to ever use once because my laptop's internal camera shutter won't open. Then I got weed. And now, I'm home, and I get to wake up tomorrow for three interviews im anxious as fuck about.
i also have to file for unemployment....... so i can have money......................
i hated today im ngl, but in retrospect i know i'll be happy i lived through this day, because i finally got to see my brother without my parents around
poor J. the previous questions i used to use with him to get him talking more, "what's your favorite character?" and etc, he gets real nervous around. someone in the family must've grilled him over those questions, mad when they didn't get an answer. im betting my Dad. he's never been sensitive enough with him, or anybody.
J has a hard time talking about what he likes and answering certain questions because people pressured him to act socially normal. it takes my brother a while to think of answers sometimes because of his disability, or he straight up doesn't know how to answer, and people get irritated.
i hope J can heal from all of that some day
ive found new questions to ask him that he doesn't get anxious about. with his movies, if i bring up a character i like or talk about somethig i liked from the movie, then he kind of naturally responds with one of his favorite characters.
(his favorite character from the movie is this one btw:)
what did i like from the movie? uh.... it was kinda funny but not memorable. judy was kinda a bitch the whole time, i feel bad for nick. nick seemed like a side character in her life.
snek was a pretty blue color tho............... that might've been the most coherent thought i had the whole movie.
almost forgot:
i think J enjoys movies so much because they let him experience emotion without having anything expected of him, and he doesn't have to know what's going on. i saw him sigh sadly at one of the heavier parts of the movie, and kind of mimicking other emotions from it at different scenes. i think he's trying to feel how the characters feel. trying to understand.
i am Protecting My Friday from stupid recruiter calls. I swear to god, I did NOT want to get slammed with interviews this fast. I'm dying. why can't i bum it out on unemployment more.... no...............
fuck
hey gamerssss, it's:
which means it's time to make terrible, impulsive decisions with my life! lets gooooooooooooooooooo
amazing, i remembered how to do div class.
i hate job searching.... im high and can finally ignore the sweat and how disgusting i feel.
im watching vincent vincesauce play a game
it's got a gun and a flag. and pentagrams. i wish i played it on my own, but what can you do when you feel like crap?
aw no he fell insto the sky box :(
ohhhhh it's the dev and his wife....... i wonderhow long....
well, that's the end of that game: no players online. guess i'll have to play it myself if i want to see the end...
oh shit this is going to be an experience.
fucking crushing
addicted to my own death for sure
weren't we always? otherwise we'd just get it over with
this whole life is a long slog of compulsions
do I really have to update my Linkedin profile today
new england's first snow
a cry in the cold night:
"my underwear is crawling up my ass right now"
this is my apartment complex
wow these girls are drunk. they don't usually keep screaming.
Kind of fucking sucks it's already winter... I always say it every year but I wish I went outside more. I never want to exercise though, especially now. All my little indoors projects like cognitive science, revamping my bedroom, and playing Warframe with T are more interesting.
T made his first engineering drawing today. He taught himself all of this from youtube videos and playing with the program. Idk what any of it means, but the AI says it's really good. Though that thing will say anything is good. His boss wants to revamp his title to something more prestigous because she's impressed. Hopefully a paper degree will matter less if it happens.
I'm bored. Today was a boring day at home working on finding a new job. Maybe today was boring because no one likes looking for a job, or thinking about interviews. It me in a bit of a sour mood for the rest of the day. Interviewing is a pain in the ass, but not like the end of my life if i have to do it. But thinking about it also feels really gross and disgusting. Repugnant.
I wanted to more than job things today..... :/. But I got one of the hardest parts done: planning what I'll say in interviews. Next time is updating LinkedIn.
.... i need chocolate so bad, man...... i have chocolate liquer. do people drink straight chocolate liquer? why do i only ever see it as an ingredient in cocktails and not just the drink itself? i could find out........ (but im scared).
can you please bitch up and go drink chocolate liquor? and no, you can't check the internet to tell you if it's safe or not. grow a fucking pair.
...
so it's really damn thick... and it's definitely the thing i want more of when im drinking a chocotini....... ah. so in all truthfality, i can make a simple one just from chco liquor and milk, and not spend so much on the baileys and amaretto... nice.
i am such an int3eresting person... the way i calculate cost savings in the liquer budget while high.
liquor or liquer?